stephen

by bofa xesjum

stephen had studied hard for the test. it was a test for applicants for entry level positions at the department of inspections. stephen took the test because he hoped to improve his lot, and to provide a better home for himself and for his ailing mother, and for his two younger siblings, both of whom had problems. the test was administered in a large classroom with forty desks spaced far enough apart to make copying another applicant’s answers difficult. the test was not at all what stephen expected, or what he had studied so hard for. the first and only question was: are you a ham and egger? yes or no. if you answered no, explain in between two hundred and a thousand words, why you are not. if you answered yes, then either a) you wish to not be a ham and egger, or b) you are happy with being a ham and egger if you answered a) explain in between two hundred and a thousand words, what steps you plan to take to improve yourself and no longer be a ham and egger if you answered b) explain in between two hundred and a thousand words, why you are proud to be a ham and egger and why you do not wish to change after some hesitation, stephen wrote the following: i reject the concept of “ham and egger”. i do not think people should be classified in this manner, or in any manner. i think that all human beings, and all living creatures, are children of the universe, and that each has a role to play in the unfolding of the universe. the bee hovering over a flower, the ant patiently carrying his crumb, the cab driver cruising a dark lonely street, the student baffled over his first year calculus book, the deli cook making a tuna salad sandwich, the nobel prize winning scientist probing the mysteries of dark matter, the gorilla in the zoo contemplating the child contemplating him, are all notes in the swelling symphony of reality. all deserve respect, and none should be degraded by labels, no matter how “humorously” intended. yesterday, as i sat in the park, attempting to study for this examination, i saw a rabbit on the green grass, two pigeons in the gravel walk at my feet, a squirrel scurrying up a tree, and an old woman slowly pushing a small cart with a paper bag in it which i assumed contained groceries but might have contained several volumes of the encyclopedia brittanica. none of them asked me if i were a “ham and egger.” i hope these words can be taken constructively, in the spirit in which they are offered, and not as a criticism of anybody’s motives. having finished his text, stephen pressed “send” on his monitor, and got up and left the classroom. of the forty applicants, he was the seventh to finish. when stephen got outside the building, he blinked in the sunlight for a second. the he noticed a group of about a dozen people across the street, each holding a bow and arrow. stephen thought he recognized robin hood, william tell, annie oakley, and calamity jane, but in any case they all brought up their bows and fired at him, filling his body with arrows and killing him instantly.