four shots

by bofa xesjum

midnight. memphis, tennessee. frankie and johnny were watching tv. it was frankie’s turn to decide what they would watch and they were watching her favorite show. her favorite show was “popular high school”. it was a reality show. students competed to be popular - but not too popular. at the end of each show students who had no friends or just one friend were branded as losers and were sent to “the chain gang” - another reality show. but students who had too many friends - nine or more - were considered potential trouble makers and were sent to “space penitentiary” - a third reality show. the losers and trouble makers on the week’s show were just about to be announced - after a commercial break - and frankie was just putting a slice of pizza into her mouth and johnny was taking a swig from a 16 ounce bottle of diet pepsi when suddenly - four shots rang out in the night. what was that ? frankie exclaimed. sounds like four unfortunate souls just met their maker, johnny replied. i wonder who they could have been? frankie mused. who would you guess? johnny asked. matthew, mark, luke, and john, maybe. faith, hope, charity, and prudence, johnny retorted. no! not such fine ladies as that, frankie protested. how about war, famine, pestilence, and death? frankie and johnny both knew their bible, having been brought up by godfearing folk, though not always adhering strictly to the righteous path themselves. they could not get them all in one place, johnny replied to frankie’s suggestion about the four horsemen. i know, frankie said - mike fink, johnny appleseed, paul bunyan, and babe the blue ox. that’s a good guess, johnny agreed, but i got a better one - jesse james,, billy the kid, sitting bull, and general george armstrong custer. ulysses s grant, robert e lee, stonewall jackson, and john wilkes booth. hitler, einstein, marilyn monroe, and elvis! that’s it - but wait, what about frankie, johnny, mean old stagger lee, and marie laveau? but, johnny said - we are frankie and johnny , and we are sitting her alive and well, eating pizza and watching tv. true that, frankie agree. so how about - suddenly there was a knock on the door. who can that be?. frankie wondered aloud. the door was pushed open and there stood wyatt earp with his badge. bat masterson was right behind him. i have a warrant for your arrest, frankie, wyatt earp intoned. for the murder of mean old stagger lee. this warrant is based on the sworn testimony of marie laveau and billy lion. pooh, frankie said, who cares about those two old posers? judge roy bean will let me go in a butterfly’s heartbeat. i am sorry to say, frankie, wyatt earp told her, that you will not be going before judge roy bean, who is no longer sitting in memphis, but before judge harsh. poor girl, you’ve got to die, bat masterson added. wyatt earp and bat masterson took frankie away. johnny was left alone. he had missed the end of the show, and did not know who the losers and the trouble makers had been. he was alone now, for the first time in his life. he began to cry.